Fragment -- #255

[April 2004 journal entry]

When our youngest daughter mentioned to her Honors World History teacher that I had studied with a Benedictine monk who specialized in the medieval period, her teacher invited me to be a guest speaker re this transition period in western civilization. During the 50-minute class, I worked off the wide-angle photography and micro-photography analogies for studying history. After explaining the analogies (using my camera and lenses as visual aids), I led the students into the ‘scholastic method’ as a ‘wide angle’ perspective on the shift away from the earlier ‘dark’ times toward the emerging sense of increasing ‘light’. We then turned to Bernard of Clairvaux (as seen in his Steps of Humility) versus Peter Abelard (as seen in his Sic et Non) for a ‘micro’ approach, with Anselm’s ‘faith seeking understanding’ angle as an example of an ‘in between’ alternative.

Fragment -- #254

[April 2004 journal entry]

Last month another “God told me to . . .” tragedy occurred. A Texas woman stoned to death two of her young children. She was an active member of a fundamentalist church. The pastor was quoted in the newspaper coverage. As in other similar cases, psychiatrists concluded this woman was suffering from a psychotic break, a mental collapse. Instead, I can imagine the woman hearing stories in Jewish scripture and Christian scripture -- such as Abraham’s readiness to sacrifice Isaac in response to the voice of ‘God’ (which the Apostle Paul exalted in his letters) -- uncritically told/endorsed in sermons time and again. I would hold her ‘religious’ thought-world accountable for her tragic behavior.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #215

[February 2005 journal entry]

A close friend asked recently during a dinner conversation, “Doug, what is ‘worship’? What is it for you?” This question followed her observation that ‘worship’ for her had to do with awakening, becoming spiritually conscious, being aware. After expressing appreciation and interest in her way of nuancing ‘worship’, I explained that I associate ‘worship’ with awe (reverence, intense admiration, devotion, deep love), suggesting that awe overlaps with and perhaps expands on her ideas re ‘worship’. I acknowledged an aversion to the word ‘worship’ because of (1) my reservations about the underlying anthropo-, socio-, and cosmomorphic ‘God’ language that is used uncritically in ‘religious’ gatherings, (2) my dissociation from the fundamentalist/evangelical theologies that surround the ‘worship’ experience in most liturgies, (3) my rejection of the ‘I am weak and helpless’ spirituality so widespread in ‘religious’ gatherings, (4) my opposition to the diminished attention given the depth/breadth of human suffering in virtually every ‘worship’ service I recall. My ‘awe’ stems from seeing into nature (micro and macro) and from seeing into the human story (capacity for construction and destruction, for the beautiful and the offensive). My ‘awe’ is very active, seeking, expressive re nature and the human story. My ‘awe’ becomes still, quiet, wordless beyond nature and the human story (thus my resonance with the liberal Quaker tradition). Resolved to be ‘with the world face to face’, I strain to see rather than close my eyes. I stand rather than bow. I do not surrender my inner-independence, my self-reliance (see the ‘Foolishness’ section in Bonhoeffer’s December 1942 ‘After Ten Years’ essay). I always have my copy of Peterson’s translation of the story/play Job with me when I attend a ‘worship’ service inside the ‘religious’ sphere.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #214

[January 2005 journal entry]

‘Religious’ institutions are structured – e.g., confessions, hymns, sermons, prayers, . . . – in ways that limit the range/depth of inquiry and that constrain/block radical (i.e., to the root) inquiry.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #213

[January 2005 journal entry]

The dismissal of factuality/objectivity fostered by ‘post-modernists’ is providing energy for two constituencies – (1) fundamentalists/evangelicals (for whom ‘dogma’ and ‘revelation’ make factuality/objectivity irrelevant) and (2) a political elite (who intend to control the public perception of reality by controlling the flow of information). Both constituencies value power, authority, control. Both constituencies are dangerous.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #212

[January 2005 journal entry]

Why, for the past fifteen years, have I read the Sunday New York Times (and, as available, the Monday and Friday editions)? At least two reasons -- (1) for a global perspective, (2) for a ‘from below’ perspective.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #211

[November 2004 journal entry]

“Keep your eye/focus/concentration on Jesus . . . on the Bible . . . on the church . . . on heaven . . .” is being ‘religious’. “Keep your eye/focus/concentration on life experiences under the sun . . . on the concrete realities of human experience . . . on your neighbor, your friend, the stranger, your enemy . . .” is being ‘non-religious’.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #210

[November 2004 journal entry]

Within the ‘religious’ T/O paradigm, it seems to me that saying “life is not fair” is the same as saying “God is not fair”.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #209

[November 2004 journal entry]

Being ‘religious’ – across the theological spectrum from fundamentalist to liberal – entails assigning final authority to ‘God’, ‘Christ’, Jewish scripture, Christian scripture, and/or Christian traditions. Since every such final authority requires a human medium (including human language), every such final authority is inescapably idolatrous in that the assigned finality at some point shuts off questioning and doubt. Being ‘non-religious’ means for me (1) that ‘God’ by definition transcends (breaks) human language, (2) that Jewish scripture, Christian scripture, and Christian traditions serve as a compilation of narratives/reflections, and (3) that ‘Jesus’ is an imagined conversation partner.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #208

[November 2004 journal entry]

What theological systems in the history of Christian thought (and their institutionalized constituencies) would fade like cut flowers if they were restricted to the Synoptic Gospels and ‘the gospel of (not about) Jesus’? I contend that all but a very few exceptions (e.g., the liberal Quaker tradition) would fade and those exceptions are vulnerable (e.g., Francis of Assisi being expelled from the order he founded).

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #207

[September 2004 journal entry]

In a recent conversation with a high school teacher/friend, he offered some reflections on the several months from summer 2002 through spring 2003 during which we met regularly (e.g., conversations about Bonhoeffer, ‘religion’, integrity, existentialism, . . .) and the past five months during which he stepped back from our meeting together. He mentioned a ‘mentoring’ relationship he had had with an individual several years ago that became very one-sided and threatening to him. He suggested that his hesitancy/caution after that experience had made him nervous and, in a sense, competitive or defensive at times during our conversations. He indicated a readiness to return to our conversations. I repeated my intent that he (and anyone else with whom I have serious conversation) understands he “sits next to the door” (i.e., he always has liberty to manage/frame/exit the conversation/s). We then discussed his use of ‘mentor’ to categorize our relationship. I offered the theatre-based ‘prompter’ metaphor as an alternative. ‘Prompter’ seems the more modest of the two images. I illustrated the distinction with my relationship to Bonhoeffer’s life/thought. Bonhoeffer’s influence on me had much to do with ‘mentoring’ through the ‘imprisoning’ three years I experienced with my first wife before her death (d. 1987). As my experience eventually passed beyond Bonhoeffer’s experience (e.g., the afterward decisions about the place/value of the ‘imprisoning’ years, the experience of being married, the experience of being a parent, the experience of resigning a place within the ‘religious’ sphere, . . .), Bonhoeffer diminished as a ‘mentor’, but enlarged as a ‘prompter’ (and as a ‘friend’). He thus remains in a singular position in my vision as I continue on a ‘non-religious’ and ‘with the world face to face’ path re ethics and spirituality.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #206

[September 2004 journal entry]

Once any source – political, religious, scientific, philosophical, educational, scholarly, . . . – can no longer be considered a final word or above/beyond question/criticism, an individual must assess evidence/ideas, make careful judgments, and bear the responsibility for outcomes. One characteristic of a ‘non-religious’ path for me is the realization that there is/will be no source that is a final word or that is above/beyond question/criticism.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #205

[August 2004 journal entry]

I have for many years pondered what Dietrich’s assigning ‘unparalleled (incomparable) value’ to seeing ‘from below’ would have meant for his direction/decisions had he survived the war and remained true to his ‘unparalleled (incomparable) value’ assessment. I have for many years pondered the fact that the author of Ecclesiastes did not have Koheleth go as far as Dietrich in assigning value to his seeing ‘life under the sun’. The author of the ‘scrapheap’ Job section to the story/play Job stopped short as well.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #204

[August 2004 journal entry]

‘Religion’ permits one not to think critically and/or requires one to refrain from critical thinking.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #203

[July 2004 journal entry]

I prepared the following metaphorical interpretation of the empty chair at a table as metaphor to be read at a conference after the reading of a Fernando Pessoa poem about a vulnerable child. Note my adaptation of Dietrich’s ‘seeing from below’ paragraph.

Thank you for reading Pessoa’s poem so eloquently that you have brought this child and so many with her into our midst. Where might they be seated? Perhaps the empty chairs at our tables? I have been asked to comment briefly on the metaphorical force of the empty chair. The physician with whom I have worked most closely over the past ten years is a 43-year-old family physician. He leads a not-for-profit community health center that exists to make comprehensive primary care -– including obstetrics -– accessible for the uninsured population in three poverty-ridden counties in the Appalachia Mountains of East Tennessee. He and I speak together often about the reasons we have for many years assigned symbolic value to an empty chair at the tables –- personal and professional tables -– at which we sit in conversation with others. The empty chair keeps us mindful of the many individuals -– some living, some deceased –- who have healed and enriched our lives. The empty chair also sits as a reminder of those individuals whose life stories we know to be far more fragile than our own, whose lives unfold on the margins. We consider it an experience of unparalleled value to be learning to see from the perspective of the barred, the badly treated, the powerless, the scoffed, the lonely, the forgotten, the ignored, the disgraced. Why ‘unparalleled value’? Because seeing these sufferers in our mind’s eye sitting in the empty chair forces us to rethink what it means to be strong and what it means to be weak; it radically alters our view of greatness, humaneness, justice, empathy, peace. My physician colleague and I –- both with advantages and privileges flowing easily/plentifully to us –- have vowed to hold each other accountable to speak in table conversations in ways that honor and respect those for whom life is hard. It takes courage to say “yes” to individuals represented in Pessoa’s child, to reach out to them with a genuine “welcome” into our conversations. ‘Jesus’ was persecuted and killed because of the table he was trying to set and the individuals he welcomed to his table. To be with them is perhaps as close as we come in this life to the presence of ‘God’.

A ‘non-religious’ view of Dietrich Bonhoeffer -- #202

[May 2004 journal entry]

Signs of falling back/away from living life on a ‘non-religious’/‘from the scrapheap’/‘with the world face to face’ path -- (1) treating ideas/conclusions as beyond further critique, (2) reading and listening only to sources that confirm previously adopted ideas/conclusions.

seeing 'Jesus' from below #55

[July 2004 journal entry]

A friend invited me to go with him to the annual Chet Atkins Appreciation Society gathering here in Nashville. By the end of the day, I found myself thinking about the choice of ‘appreciation’ (L., to value, to rise in value) by the individuals who named/coordinated the gathering. The appreciation so many musicians expressed for the liberty to explore/grow that Atkins encouraged impressed me most. Atkins did not limit or dwarf these musicians. Instead, they drew inspiration from him. Some have in certain ways moved beyond him. This experience strikes me as much healthier than the widespread approach to ‘Jesus’ within the ‘religious’ sphere.

seeing 'Jesus' from below #54

[April 2004 journal entry]

If history fades into myth re the story of Israel from the reign of David back to the opening chapters of Genesis (as I think occurs), then does not something similar happen re the story of ‘Jesus’ in the Gospels?

seeing 'Jesus' from below #53

[April 2004 journal entry]

I often hear radio advertisements for a ‘Christian Radio Station’ that promotes its programming as ‘positive and upbeat’. I realize the station has benefits for many teenagers. Still, I have two reservations – (1) It is clear the station is a variation on the fundamentalist/evangelical aim to stay far removed from actual ‘face to face’ experience in/with ‘the world’ and (2) The image of ‘Jesus’ that results from a ‘positive and upbeat’ framework/intent does not align well with the ‘Jesus’ I see through a ‘non-religious’ and ‘with the world face to face’ interpretation of the Synoptic Gospels.

‘the ethical dimensions of patient care’ -- #57

[February 2005 journal entry]

A doctoral student/friend recently introduced me to some of his Philosophy Department faculty and fellow students. We spent an hour in conversation with the department chair, a junior faculty member, and a doctoral student just beginning her dissertation. We later spoke with another doctoral student who is partway into his dissertation. They all seemed intrigued with my irrigation ditch metaphor, medic metaphor, and anthropologist image as explanations of my experience living/working within the medical education and practice settings. My friend conveyed to me the next day that the department chair later said to him, “Please try to invite him back. I would like to sit and talk with him for hours.” My friend was pleased with the conversations. I was relieved that I had not diminished his status or standing in the department! Prior to the above meetings, my friend and I had met for dinner and conversation. In anticipation of the discussion with the individuals from the Philosophy Department, I had been thinking about how my approach to ethics, values, spirituality might be associated with the various approaches studied in academic circles (e.g., utilitarian, virtue, existential, deontological, pragmatic, . . .). After my friend summarized the angle of two authors he had most recently been reading/studying in his applied ethics course, we discussed how my approach might be classified. I identified for my friend three ‘markers’ by which I get my bearings and by which I test my decisions/actions – i.e., (1) the resolve to speak/act consistently in the multiple, simultaneous, distinguishable relationships/conversations of which I am a participant, (2) the resolve to be humane and to exercise a sacrificial social conscience, and (3) the resolve to be the sort of person who can be with individuals experiencing the worst in life and not harm/bruise them further. My friend and I later had the following e-mail exchange –

[Friend] “I feel as though I stammered more than anything when I attempted to describe (categorize) your ethical approach during our dinner conversation. Despite my poor analysis, I think your approach is superior to all others with which I’m familiar . . . at least in that you provide persons with concrete help/guidance and a foundation that, instead of having been primarily assumed, has been tested and found to be valuable. . . . Or is it that such ideas (e.g., integrity) only seem valuable? Is there tension between this claim and your willingness to identify what is not real (e.g., ‘religious’ claims)? The former idea appears to endorse the Kantian distinction between the noumenal and the phenomenal (i.e., X seems valuable, but in reality might not be), while the latter does not (i.e., X does not seem to be real and, therefore, is not).”

[Doug] “I listened closely to your analysis of my approach to ethics (which is inseparably linked to spirituality re ‘the more’ about human beings). I have thought quite a bit about that part of our conversation. I did not in 1973 know Martin Buber’s life/thought, but I think his ‘I-It’/‘I-Thou’ paradigms re relationships/encounters capture the decision I had to make (daily, even hourly) re being with my first wife as multiple sclerosis hit her and never relented. To be ‘I-Thou’ with her necessitated the three ‘markers’ I mentioned.”

‘the ethical dimensions of patient care’ -- #56

[August 2004 journal entry]

Bonhoeffer’s December 1942 After Ten Years essay ends, in its published form, with ‘The View from Below’ section that begins – “It remains an experience of unparalleled value that we have learned to see for once the great events of world history from below . . .” (my translation). His assessment offers one answer to the question I have found at the core of the experience of medical students whose medical school education and residency training -- contrary to most chosen professions -- require them to see ‘from below’ once they move from the classroom into their clinical rotations and their specializations. They cannot avoid the question -- “What value, if any, am I placing and will I place on this exposure to the extremities of the human experience?” They cannot avoid the exposure required by their clinical rotations and, therefore, cannot avoid assigning a value somewhere on a spectrum from ‘no value’ to ‘unparalleled (incomparable) value’. Since the 1980s in my various roles within the medical education and practice settings, I have attempted to identify and interpret the decisions/approaches students in medical school and subsequent years in their professional careers take on this ‘no value’ to ‘unparalleled value’ spectrum – e.g., (1) How free, independent, responsible are they in the value they assign? (2) How is their choice of specialty affected? (3) How is their choice of a residency program affected? (4) How is their choice of a practice affected? (5) How are their efforts to teach affected?

‘the ethical dimensions of patient care’ -- #55

[July 2004 journal entry]

If ethics (i.e., the language of caring) adds a fourth professional language within the medical education and practice settings (in addition to the scientific/clinical, business, and legal languages), then spirituality adds a fifth language. In contrast to the fluency (in the full/complex sense of the term) required re the scientific/clinical, business, and legal languages, fluency in the language of caring is not required. Fluency in the language of spirituality is even further from the required languages.

‘the ethical dimensions of patient care’ -- #54

[July 2004 journal entry]

Dietrich Bonhoeffer to his ‘friend in the singular’ Eberhard Bethge – “Aren’t there things like purification plants in lakes? You know my technical naïveté – but there is something like that, and that’s what you are to me.” The purification plant metaphor sits well with my irrigation ditch metaphor re a way to interpret my (hoped for) relation to the circle of physicians with whom I have worked closely since the early 1980s.

Fragment -- #253

[March 2004 journal entry]

In a recent conversation with a doctoral student re his graduate school and professional plans (which include concentrations in medical ethics and public health), he asked what I might change re my professional training and experience. I told him I would not change my acquisition of a historian’s mental habits or the concentration on the way philosophical, theological, artistic, scientific, political, and economic ideas evolved in the formation of western civilization. I also told him I would acquire some set of skills that would be considered weight-bearing within the medical education and practice settings (e.g., nursing, emergency care tech, social worker/case manager, . . .).

Fragment -- #252

[March 2004 journal entry]

To maintain balance/perspective -- always be creating something, . . . and be reading something of your own choice, . . . and be working with others on something, . . . and be near someone deeply wounded, . . . and be caring for an animal, . . . and be taking care of someone’s garbage.

Fragment -- #251

[March 2004 journal entry]

I should not expect from others more than what I am prepared to give/do/be for them.

Fragment -- #250

[March 2004 journal entry]

Indianapolis Colts coach after a playoff defeat – “As a Christian, I do not think anything happens arbitrarily”. I object to his implicit ‘God’ language and to his restricting ‘Christian’ to those who share/endorse his implicit ‘God’ language.

Fragment -- #249

[March 2004 journal entry]

I ask any reader of my journal entries for patience with repetitions as did Leonardo da Vinci in his description of his notebooks (The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci, p. 41) –

This will be a collection without order, made up of many sheets which I have copied here, hoping afterwards to arrange them in order in their proper places according to the subjects of which they treat; and I believe that before I am at the end of this I shall have to repeat the same thing several times; and, therefore, O reader, blame me not, because the subjects are many, and the memory cannot retain them and say ‘this I will not write because I have already written it’.

Fragment -- #248

[February 2004 journal entry]

35,000+ Iranians were recently killed in a devastating earthquake. How will such destruction and loss be interpreted within the ‘religious’ T/O sphere? Will the devastating earthquake be referenced, much less considered, within the ‘religious’ T/O sphere?

Fragment -- #247

[February 2004 journal entry]

I often imagine standing in line with individuals whose misfortunes in life have been severe and tragic. My affluence, privileges, and abundant experiences (1) put me in a sobering and embarrassing minority (hardly measurable statistically) among individuals who have lived on this earth and (2) do not justify my seeking or accepting a position at/near the front of the line. I see myself silenced by my affluence, privileges, and abundant experiences rather than praying/asking for personal interests. I want instead to think and behave in a manner that respects and seeks the well-being of the vast majority in the line.

Fragment -- #246

[February 2004 journal entry]

A real estate agent represents the seller when s/he is with a potential buyer. The potential buyer easily slips into an openness with the real estate agent that would only be justified if the real estate agent represented the potential buyer.