[July 2003 journal entry]
Agape . . . Phileo . . . Eros – three experiences of love that when integrated occasion fully enriching marriage (e.g., mutual respect, conversation, humanizing intimacy). (1) Agape with Phileo minus Eros leaves a diminished (but still maturing) marriage relationship caused by any number of factors (e.g., aging, personal or social trauma, biochemical changes, injury, disease, . . . – some controllable, others not). (2) Agape with Eros minus Phileo results in a more diminished marriage relationship as friendship withers (e.g., distrust, loss of confidence, estrangement, lost conversation, and even expressions/actions of disrespect) and as Eros becomes awkward (e.g., intimacy is less a shared experience, often a manipulating tool). (3) Agape shared by both parties without either Phileo or Eros leads to a radically diminished marriage relationship that nonetheless retains the constructive disposition that undergirds all meaningful relationships. The loss of Eros in this scenario requires setting one’s default on the absence of intimacy. The loss of Phileo as well as Eros in this scenario adds solitude. If Agape is retained by only one of the two parties, a constructive posture in a profoundly diminished marriage relationship remains, though the relationship at best is hardly distinguishable from encounters with a stranger or with a casual association and at worst is hardly distinguishable from encounters with an adversary.