Fragment -- #126

[February 2000 journal entry]

My answers to “Who am I?” and “What (if anything) do I have to offer?” continue to come from the convergence of two core variables – i.e.,

1. an unwavering commitment to radical (i.e., to the root) and indiscriminate inquiry (with scholarly/professional expertise in the history of ideas and in the ethical/spiritual realities of chronic illness and medical education) and
   
2. an early and sustained existentially dangerous alignment with individuals for whom life experience is tragic and offensive.
   

The interplay and inseparability of these two core variables have left me with two observations that stand in some degree of tension – i.e.,

1. I have a growing confidence that some of the ideas and proposals coming to maturity after 25+ years ‘gestation’ are credible and compelling not only to me but to at least some others, yet
2. I am uncertain how many others have the urgency, resources, energy, and/or time necessary to make the ideas and proposals their own other than by testing them in their life experiences. (In other words, do the ideas and proposals themselves ‘ring’ sufficiently authentic or self-validating not to necessitate a similar 25+ year ‘gestation’?)

I know the core ideas and propositions that have formed for me over the past 25+ years are radical (i.e., to the root), unorthodox (by the standards of social spheres/institutions including but not limited to the ‘religious’ sphere), and unsettling/disturbing for many. I have drawn this deduction from

1. the reactions I have received from certain friends, family members, former students, and peers,
   
2. my thorough study of the history of ideas that have shaped western societies,
   
3. the constructive counsel I have received from Dr. Hinson (my doctoral supervisor and mentor) and from the Bethges.