[June 2005 journal entry]
I was reminded recently of the analysis offered by Bernard of Clairvaux in On Loving God. This little work has long intrigued me, both during and after my place/years in the ‘religious’ sphere. Bernard proposed four ‘stages’ -- i.e., “love of self for self’s sake, love of God for self’s sake, love of God for God’s sake, and love of self for God’s sake”. His ‘religious’ (and very traditionally Augustinian) interpretation saw no legitimacy in “love of self for self’s sake”. He argued instead that we must be saved/redeemed from such. Bernard’s ‘religious’ presupposition re humanity’s depravity led him quite logically to the still selfish “love of God for self’s sake” (i.e., for what I receive/get) stage. He argued that such salvation/redemption from “love of self for self’s sake” leads to “love of God for self’s sake”, a childish stage that must evolve into “love of God for God’s sake”. Beyond this more mature regard for ‘God as God’, Bernard pointed to “love of self for God’s sake”, which he judged to be the most mature but rarely experienced stage. As handled within ‘religious’ discourse (e.g., Augustine, Bernard, et al) and as implied in the title On Loving God -- a condition is placed on, a limitation is set around, a distraction is introduced into any human experience. The likely ‘religious’ rejoinder is – “By focusing on God, the experience is qualitatively better for all than it otherwise could/would be.”
From a ‘non-religious’ perspective, I would agree that “love of self for self’s sake” easily/frequently collapses into destructive experience. Those deep into such experience will find meaning in ‘saved’ or ‘rescued’ language if they recover/discover a healthy self-love. The means/catalysts for such recovery/discovery are very important and interesting aspects of their stories. However, attentive parents begin early to guide their child/ren away from being a ‘taker’ to being a ‘grateful receiver’ (e.g., learning to say “thank you”) and to being a ‘giver’. From a ‘non-religious’ perspective, the goal of such parenting is not “love others for self’s sake” (i.e., the sort of person who gives expecting as much or more in return) but “love self for other’s sake” (i.e., the sort of person who gives expecting nothing in return) and “love of others for other’s sake” (i.e., the sort of person who is truly and unconditionally respectful of others). This ‘non-religious’ approach to ‘love’ is in the spirit of Mt. 25:31-46 (which is, in my opinion, the most radical/startling text in the gospels) re being unconsciously near ‘God’, of loving the stranger/enemy (Mt. 5:38-48), and of the human-oriented way of being for which ‘blessing’ is announced (Mt. 5:3-16).